Most of my life has felt like following a series of unseen breadcrumbs - creatively, professionally, personally, spiritually. Sometimes I think I have arrived at the loaf, the destination, but as my guitar player said to me last week, “What is fixed and never changes? Nothing.”
Life is fluid, strange, impossible to hold onto. Lessons arrive, smack you in the face, then look different a few months later. Kinder, if we’re lucky. I’m trying to find beauty in all this fleetingness. Does life ever feel “stable”? What are we doing if not trying to find the beauty? What else actually gives us a reason to deal with the pain?
BOSTON! Tickets are going fast for my April 4th show at Club Passim. Jenny Reynolds opens. I could listen to her songs and guitar work all day. Plus I’ll be sharing my most heartfelt music and most awkward stories. It will be punk, folk, whatever the f*ck I am. It will be my love for you. GET TICKETS HERE. You can also watch the livestream of this show .
I want stability. I want change. I can have both stability and change only if: 1) the stability is not based on holding onto any one person/place/thing and 2) the change is not based on holding onto any one person/place/thing. But we still have to rely on each other. We’re interdependent. But we can’t make each other our higher powers. I’m lost. Or maybe my lostness means I’m found. Everything is a contradiction.
In the same conversation my guitar player asked me if I thought there could ever be a society where the image of it matched the reality. (We had 6 hours in the car together; we went deep.)
“No,” I said, “Because society is created by human beings and human beings are full of contradictions.” We agreed a better world would be the result of a pendulum swing, or something to always push towards, but that it still wouldn’t ever be perfect. I find something relieving in this. Like maybe it’s possible because it’s NOT a destination, it’s a process.
NEW YORK CITY! Been a minute! Join me Tuesday, 4/9 at The Bitter End as part of John Platt’s On Your Radar Series. Also performing: Jilian Matundan, Madeleine Roger. Come show me your worldly-wise faces! GET TICKETS HERE.
So there we were, driving East on I-40, playing a high-powered show in Wilmington, then driving West on I-40, driving into each others’ brains. Digging to understand why we are here, how to do what we’re meant to with our time. “Why are we all so flawed?!”, we demanded aloud.
My husband and I have become obsessed with Henry Louis Gates’ Finding Your Roots. I love the messiness of it, of our history. The inextricable interconnectedness of people across lines of race, culture, class. One of our favorite episodes is where Angela Davis - radical black feminist icon, a heroine of mine - discovers she had white ancestors who came over on the Mayflower. She didn’t love finding that out, and I can only imagine trying to come to peace with such an intense and painful contradiction.
But zooming way out, it’s like, yes, we are all absolutely intertwined. It’s nuts. It’s a good reminder that purity does not exist. We cling to the idea of purity because we fear messiness - the very thing that makes us human. The not knowing. The mortality of our egos, bodies, worldviews. Purity can be a nice theory to look at on a piece of paper as long as it’s something we never have to live up to, since really we can’t. In practice, purity seems like a good marker for drinking water or maybe cocaine. Not for humans. God we are so complicated!
DURHAM! Join me and Jodi Jones at this beautiful outdoor space Saturday April 20th! GET TICKETS HERE.
Stick with me on this - in the complication, I somehow find room for celebration. If we’re complicated, the problem isn’t solved. We are not at the end of the road. There is possibility in complication. Something beautiful can squirrel in there and blow the whole pre-conceived notion into smithereens, into light and air and a rainbow glitter dance party. Right? Now we’re getting somewhere.
Calling all NC Songwriters! I’ll teach a one-day Songwriting Workshop at The CMPND in Winston-Salem Sunday 4/28! I will get you writing right away. Then we’ll dive into how to create emotional impact in a song, ways to structure a song, how to deal with writers’ block and more. Everyone from beginners to lifelong students of the craft are welcome. We all have something to teach each other and we all need feedback from a safe, respectful and supportive group. RSVP HERE.
Below my tour dates is a preview of a new song-in-progress called “The Illusion of Love” . Upgrade to paid to listen and read the lyric.
UPCOMING SHOWS
4/4 Club Passim, Boston, MA - Jenny Reynolds opens.
4/4 LIVESTREAM of Club Passim show
4/7 Rosie’s Cafe, Brick, NJ - email for reservations
4/9 The Bitter End, New York, NY - John Platt’s on Your Radar series. W/Jilian Matundan and Madeleine Roger.
4/16 The Flat Iron, Greensboro, NC - in the round with Abigail Dowd, Martha Bassett, Jane Kramer
4/20 Huron Stage, Durham, NC - w/ Jodi Jones
5/5 Muddy Creek at Old Salem, Winston-Salem, NC w/Karyn Oliver
5/9-5/12 SERFA, Black Mountain, NC
5/24 Muddy Creek Music Hall, Sparta, NC - FULL BAND SHOW!
Here’s a snippet of The Illusion of Love, a new song in progress. Still feeling out the end of the chorus and the end of the song. At first I told my producer, “This will be an easy song to write!” Because it’s mostly metaphors and imagery, I assumed it would be a simple exercise in language. He laughed, and rightly so, because now I am stuck on how to tie things up. But I have some ideas. It’s not the end of the road. Something’s gonna squirrel in there and get the dance party started.
Leatherette or leather Foam fill or feather Same town or togeher Was it just the illusion of love? Spiritual journey or red herring Taking space or just not caring Smoke and mirrors or truly daring Was it just the illusion of love? I'm so tired of never knowing Can't trust what my eyes are showing me Every love a heartbreak in disguise ... Happy ending or fairy tale Rare find or a fire sale Hair of the dog or the Holy Grail Was it just the illusion of love? Waiting room or a sacred space Painted smile or a friendly face A better world or just a hiding place Was it just the illusion of love? I'm so tired of never knowing Can't trust what my eyes are showing me Every love a heartbreak in disguise ...
Celebrate the Mess