Outsider

I’ve often felt like an outsider - not being sure where I belonged, wishing I could get “inside” a culture, a community, an industry.  I thought getting in would make me feel safe, powerful, or both.  But the truth is my heart is drawn to the other outsiders, because I believe they (we) are the ones who have the best view of what’s going on. 

Maybe you look at me and wonder what on earth I’m on the outside of, raised a suburban white Jewish middle-class straight(ish) cis girl.  But I actually often feel on the outside of almost every descriptor in that previous sentence.  I’m Jewish by birth but was never Bat Mitzvah-ed and don’t really feel drawn to organized religion. Middle class - I don’t think that exists anymore.  Girl: yeah?  I guess?  Straight? Not completely.  White skin but never truly feeling safe in “white” culture, whatever that is.  Came up in the folk world but not really a folk artist, except in the sense that I care about folks.  WITF am I? 

The times I’ve briefly gotten “in” have been thrilling: I beat the odds!  Look at me in a hat! Taking pictures with the tastemakers!  Those moments have also felt ungrounded, fleeting - I knew they would slip from my grip at any moment. They felt like loud conversations in crowded bars, which maybe they usually are; I have no interest in small talk and I’m not going to yell my deepest, weirdest secrets at you (unless, you know, I’m onstage). So yeah, fleeting.

Never Gonna Break Me: A song about what happens when some poor fool tries to shame or "other" me for being a human full of longing, desire, vulnerability.

Til now I’ve hesitated to embrace the actual power that comes from owning my outsider-ness. I’ve hesitated because of fear, laziness, denial.  These days I feel called to own it, dig into what’s out here in the psychological darkness on the edge of town, in my songwriting and in my career.

Because maybe everyone feels this way sometimes, even the folks who look to be at the nexus of a family, culture, industry. And what if that’s actually what connects us: our different-ness, otherness, longing for closeness, safety, recognition?  I’m a thousand percent interested in what genuinely connects us.  Seems like a needle in a haystack to find it these days, but I’ve observed enough human behavior in enough places in the world to know we basically function from the same range of emotions.  That’s something.

So, I’m curious: Do you feel like an outsider? All the time? Sometimes? Never?  Let me know in the comments.  I wonder if there’s something about my music that speaks to that for you.

I’m coming to the MIDWEST next week!

3/6 On the Tracks, Chelsea, MI

3/8. Molly’s House Concerts, Lincolnwood, IL - email for reservations

3/9. Henry House Concert, Pacific, MO - email for reservations

3/10. Compass Listening Room, Columbia, MO

These venues are all new to me, so please come on out and share with you MW friends.

More Tour Dates:

3/23 Live at Ted’s, Wilmington, NC

4/4. Club Passim, Boston, MA - special guest Jenny Reynolds - On Sale Now!

4/7. Rosie’s Cafe, Brick, NJ - email for reservations

4/9. The Bitter End, New York City

My favorite performance I saw at Folk Alliance International last weekend was Flamy Grant. She was all class and so honest and God did she slay: